Gotta open this can of worms up, I reckon.

I hadn’t wanted to do it, for one reason or another. One good reason is that it’s been five years– or will be in November, since the divorce was final. Gives you time to lick your wounds, try to re-build and get on with life. But, you know, every now and then domestic violence rears its decidedly ugly head and forces you to deal with it whether you want to or not.

I am a male victim of domestic violence. My ex-wife was physically and verbally abusive, and in the late watches of the night I can still hear the things said that shouldn’t be said to anybody you supposedly love. It never really goes away, you know. I got out of it in March of ’09, went to live with my sister for about a month and then began the rather stormy process of ending the two-year marriage. She demanded– yes, demanded– that I divorce her, I think in a further attempt to make me look as evil as possible.

Recently, a “You-Tube” video came out. Actually, I think there’s been a couple of them. One showed the reaction when a man hit a woman in public. Most people did nothing, but one fellow did step in and put a stop to it if I remember right. The other showed what people did when a woman hit a man in public. Nervous laughter was the most energetic response, and thoughts that the man must have done something to deserve it were voiced– strangely enough by some of the same people who would be outraged if you suggested the woman had done something to deserve being hit. “How dare you blame the victim!” if the victim is a woman. Hmmm…  a little bit of double-standard, eh?

I’m probably going to do a few posts here on this and related subjects, now that I seem to be back into it. Here’s a link to a blog I’ve commented on, seems this kind of thing draws fire from several quarters. Since people have come here because of my post there, I’ll return the favor.

http://cutepuppylove.me/2014/09/27/domestic-abuse-in-public-social-experiment/

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Stray bits of information.

I’m putting a few stray bits here, just so’s everyone reading these pages knows.

First– Renewal time is coming up. Every year, these blogs come up for renewal. Since I have my own domain and don’t depend (heavily) on an “at WordPress.com” address, I pay a little for the privilege of being here. It’s not much, but there all the same. I’m actually paying to have my own “domain”, the site itself is free otherwise. I am going to stay on here, so the automatic renewal will happen on or about November 1st.

Second, I get a lot of visitors but few comments. Most of the comments (that aren’t spam-bot generated) come from Josh, and one couldn’t be blamed if he/she thought Josh is the only one reading this. Of course there ARE others but they never seem to comment much. I got to thinking about why that is, so I did some digging in the Dashboard. I find that new commenters have to give a username and email address to post. I could change that, but right now I’m not inclined to change anything without good cause. I will tell you that you have nothing to fear, nobody but me and the mods at Aksimet see your email addy, and neither of us will use it to spam you with get-rich-quick schemes, dating scams, pills and potions to enhance your sex life or sell it to religious institutions so they can harass you into joining their cult. If you actually WANT any of those things, we figure you’re perfectly capable of finding it on your own without our help. The moderators at Aksimet use it to help determine whether a comment is likely to be spam, and frankly, once I read the comment itself I barely pay attention to the email address unless there’s a good reason for me to pay attention– like, for example, you asking me for information. After that first comment makes it past our moderation, you’re “in” and won’t have to sign in again to make another comment– at least until you sweep the cookies from your computer which causes WordPress to “forget” you until you do the sign-in again. You CAN post here without first having to be a member of the WordPress community– I checked that myself some months back, the comment way down yonder from “Michael” is mine, done from another browser which is never used to sign on here officially. (Yes, Josh, I too am occasionally guilty of using a “sock puppet” for testing purposes.) So— if you’re just drifting through, how’s about a quick “Howdy” to let me know who might be traipsing through my place without saying anything? I don’t bite– not sure about dawg though.

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Three Ways to Not Hate Your Husband

Any ladies reading this— please learn from this wise woman. If this had happened in my marriage, I would still be married this day.

here + now

I think the churchy side of the camp says I’m supposed to tell you marriage is great. It’s pretty, and passionate, and playful. Your husband is your leader, woman. You must submit, woman. You must dote, woman.

I think the American side of the camp says I’m supposed to tell you marriage is a joke. It’s petty, and pitiful, and perishable. Your husband is a dimwit, woman. You must be stronger, woman. You must laugh at him, woman.

I’ve rolled out my sleeping bag on both sides in my short six years of experience. It’s like you might be able to wiggle your way into a comfortable spot, but when your shoulder goes numb and you try to turn over, you roll onto sharp rocks and twigs and godknowswhatelse and you let out a string of curse words that would make a sailor blush. Not that I would know. (I do…

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A thought on Internet security and leaks.

During the weekend, a hacker got into several celebrities’ files and leaked nude photos on the Internet. I touch on this only in passing because it brings the general issue to  the front page.

Now, the problem as I understand it is that these celebrities uploaded photos to cloud storage. Cloud storage is sold to us as a secure way to back up your system and store things “in private” so that–presumably–nobody but you should have access to your stuff. You have this access from any device once it’s in the cloud.

Problem: The Cloud is connected to and is, in fact, part of the Internet. That makes it “hackable”, and–worse– once you store something on the Internet it can get out into the general system, and once that happens nobody can put that genie back into the bottle.

I’m an old-fashioned, Luddite coot in much of today’s stuff, and never did trust the Cloud. The laptop I presently use came with the ability to back up to Cloud servers at HP, and I immediately trashed that idea because I had then and have now no good reason to trust Cloud security. I’m not storing anything “racy”, mind you– but still, I have personal and business stuff that is better just being mine and nobody else’s

CD/DVD burners are too unreliable, as I’ve found, for trustworthy backups. Backups ARE necessary because these things being machines, they can and will fail. Hard drives crash, not frequently, but still when you turn on your machine and you get “No bootable device found” it can really wreck your day.

Thumb-drives seem to be the way to go today. It’s a small device, plugs into your USB port, has an astounding amount of memory available– I have one drive that has 64 gigabytes available–and generally seem reliable enough to trust them. More importantly, you can store stuff on them that you don’t want in any way connected to the Internet. An “air firewall” separates the thumb-drive from the Internet until you plug the device into your computer– from there you have to depend on your computer’s firewall and anti-virus– you DO keep these updated, don’t you– until you disconnect your thumb-drive from the computer.

I don’t have any nudes of myself. Just as well, I can well imagine people paying good money to never have to see that again. “What has been seen cannot be unseen” and all that. But, if I DID have nudes, thumb-drive storage is the way to go. All I have to do is not lose the device or have it physically stolen, and I’m all set.

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