Gotta open this can of worms up, I reckon.

I hadn’t wanted to do it, for one reason or another. One good reason is that it’s been five years– or will be in November, since the divorce was final. Gives you time to lick your wounds, try to re-build and get on with life. But, you know, every now and then domestic violence rears its decidedly ugly head and forces you to deal with it whether you want to or not.

I am a male victim of domestic violence. My ex-wife was physically and verbally abusive, and in the late watches of the night I can still hear the things said that shouldn’t be said to anybody you supposedly love. It never really goes away, you know. I got out of it in March of ’09, went to live with my sister for about a month and then began the rather stormy process of ending the two-year marriage. She demanded– yes, demanded– that I divorce her, I think in a further attempt to make me look as evil as possible.

Recently, a “You-Tube” video came out. Actually, I think there’s been a couple of them. One showed the reaction when a man hit a woman in public. Most people did nothing, but one fellow did step in and put a stop to it if I remember right. The other showed what people did when a woman hit a man in public. Nervous laughter was the most energetic response, and thoughts that the man must have done something to deserve it were voiced– strangely enough by some of the same people who would be outraged if you suggested the woman had done something to deserve being hit. “How dare you blame the victim!” if the victim is a woman. Hmmm…  a little bit of double-standard, eh?

I’m probably going to do a few posts here on this and related subjects, now that I seem to be back into it. Here’s a link to a blog I’ve commented on, seems this kind of thing draws fire from several quarters. Since people have come here because of my post there, I’ll return the favor.


5 thoughts on “Gotta open this can of worms up, I reckon.

  1. “How dare you blame the victim!” if the victim is a woman. Hmmm… a little bit of double-standard, eh?

    I guess it might be another thing.
    Like a major moral imperative that you can’t physically abuse those who are weaker. Women have always been supposed weaker than men (exceptions there are – nonetheless…), so the reaction might be mostly substantiated by some hidden and/or deeply rooted such ideas.
    To the same pile or not, a man‘s reaction must be greatly influenced by sexual issues – especially when the woman is pretty/attractive – as it seems to me being the case in that video. Or – it could be felt like aesthetical..? (Beauty mustn’t be spoiled/damaged; I myself care about green people – they are times weaker than those with an axe or I don’t give shit what exactly!)

    On the flip side… I could somehow imagine a woman rushing to put an end to a situation reverse to that above mentioned… I could. Theoretically.

      • It would help if they gave you tools like in the forums for these comments. They don’t make it easy. I can do it because I can edit after the fact, and when I edit— all those tools show up. Strange that it’s that way but it is.

    • How did you guess?

      For truth, after the last couple of calls from her last year, I would be very pleased never to hear from her again. In one call, she put her son on (not my son, he was born before I met her) and he pretty much tried to tear up my “man card” stomp on it and feed it through the shredder. Then, about a month and a half later she called up asking me for a stuffed animal (she’s partial to teddy bears) for her birthday.

      Well, that was about the last straw believe it or not. She’s got somebody else, so I have no business buying anything for her anyway. Secondly, after that other call I have a hard time figuring why she would want anything to do with a man she so obviously thinks is trash. But— I guess it takes all kinds.

      It’s been 5 years since the divorce. 5 relatively peaceful years. I think I’ll just keep it that way.

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