Can of worms #2.

two divorces are plenty

From “Bizarro Comics.com

 

So, today I thought just maybe it’s time to add a little something to this line of thought. Like the guy in the cartoon above, I’ve been through 2 divorces, with the second one being by far the worse one. So these days I’m just a trifle jaded. Also, I’ve had a chance to investigate mgtow land, and while I agree with much of what they say I have to disagree with them quite a bit as well.

First, let me state here that I am not young anymore. I’m swiftly approaching 60 years on this planet, so interest in finding a woman to bear children for me— not exactly high on the list these days. Also, since I do live the way I do, I can safely say I’m not looking for someone to clean house, cook, make me a sandwich (why in God’s name that has to be even mentioned is a wonder) and so on. Small apartments are just not that hard to keep clean when you’re on your own, and I can manage well enough in the kitchen, so those “wifely” duties are just not an issue.

So, that leaves the companionship issues. The things that, try as I might, I can’t just do by myself for myself– I must have help to make that happen. The reason why, supposedly, God took a rib out of Adam’s side and made a woman for him. Unfortunately, today it seems to be precisely there that the whole thing falls apart most miserably.

Today we find people slowly forming into armed camps, the feminists on one side and the mgtows and MRAs on the other– and in between a no-man’s land where only the very brave or very foolish dare venture. Divorce records are at alarming rates even within the Church, and one common complain these days in mgtow land is how very unfair the “family courts” tend to be when divorce happens.

 

A special note: Divorce has always been bad. Always. The truth is, somebody always gets hurt, there’s no getting around that. It hurt women for the longest time across the generations, a woman so divorced was essentially without any means to sustain herself and could ultimately only turn to marrying another man— at which time, she might be accused of adultery. That is less true today here in the States, a woman can get a job and support herself well enough if she so chooses. Today’s mgtows complain that the laws make them pay unreasonable amounts of alimony and child support if divorced. That happens to be true to a degree, however let it be said that if you bring a child into the world you are responsible to see to it that the child is fed, has a place to live, is educated and so on. Alimony is another issue, and here I sort of side with mgtow– today’s modern liberated woman is capable of getting a better job than her husband had in many cases, and if she refuses to do so it’s not because the possibilities aren’t out there for her.

About my own situation: I got divorced 5 years ago. She had seen too many court-tv shows and thought she could get rich by suing people, and also thought she would have a permanent slave (namely me) compelled by the court to work 3 jobs to support her in the life to which she would like to become accustomed while I lived in an abandoned car. Illinois family law doesn’t quite work that way, especially in 2-year-old marriages between broke people. $250.00 a month for 6 months is not a lot, and no going back to get more– so by April of 2010 she had the last of the alimony she would get. She had it in her head to try to sue me for other things but two things stopped that. No evidence, and no lawyer who would take a case trying to sue somebody who is broke (you don’t get rich by suing broke people). So that idea stopped. Lawsuits against others went nowhere as well. Problem with going to court to get rich is that it doesn’t always work.

So— today, I live the bachelor lifestyle. Not much money– hotshot freight just doesn’t pay much– but on the other hand I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes on my back, a van which at least runs (Thank you, God, for that) and a job which if it doesn’t pay much is at least enjoyable. I won’t be marrying again, in fact I haven’t dated since way back then, so– no woman in my life these days. Some reasons might be mgtow-related, and some reasons are church-related (the adultery issue seems to come up any time you mention divorced people remarrying) and just that I’m plain tired of what I see these days as a charade– pretending that your marriage is til death do you part when really it’s a question whether you’ll still be together when the ink on the marriage license dries.

 

Special note, I know you’re going to ask: mgtow is “Men Going Their Own Way”, these guys have either been through the mill as I have or have seen other men go through it and they therefore reject marriage and even most dealings with women. The divorce laws in this nation are near murderous, and serve to make many men swear off ever getting married— too much to lose for too little– if any– reward. MRA is Men’s Rights Activist, they’re pretty much the flip-side of the Feminist coin. Some MRAs are just as radical anti-woman as the most man-hating Feminazi can be the other way. I haven’t mentioned PUAs up to now because PUAs aren’t worth the bother– essentially, the PUA (Pick Up Artist) is the male version of the trashy slut. Thinks he’s really something, he’s really just a jerk. Not worth the bother.

 

I’m gonna park this subject for a bit. Stirs up memories that are best left alone, for one thing, and since I personally have no intention of dating or marrying again anyway– why keep raking this up? Next post will be about something else, I promise. I needed to air this out a bit now, but having done that– in a rather disjointed way I admit– it’s time to let it be again.

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4 thoughts on “Can of worms #2.

  1. I’ll probably be adding a little to the comments on this thread as time passes.

    As a ferinstance: On a christian forum I used to frequent (they and I had a falling-out over moderation issues– yeah, it happens to me, too) a couple of the women had an issue about whether sex is necessary in the marital relationship. The argument was that physical ailments may come up which make it either difficult or impossible to have intercourse, and– could you live without it.

    Now, of course it IS possible, though by no means desirable, to live without some kind of sex-life within marriage. It’s possible for her to have the bedroom and for you to sleep on the sofa for the next 30 years or so. But, who in their right mind would enter marriage with that being the way you’re gonna do things? It doesn’t take long to realize that these women probably have some idea that they can actually have a marriage that would look like that. I can imagine the heavy, no-nonsense door with jimmy-proof locks, and for good measure a heavy bar that slides into sockets across the bedroom door, so that the husband would need siege equipment to effect an entry.

    My thoughts: Why would I even agree to such a thing? Can I not sleep alone right now, without being married or even having a girlfriend? Why, if I’m going to end up alone anyway, would I put up with all the nonsense of living with a “spouse” who has made it known that the bedroom is off-limits? Notice that in this I have disregarded the issue of one party or the other not being able because of injury or illness– while those things certainly DO happen the fact is that I have a nasty idea that in this case, that isn’t the issue and injury/illness is so much smoke-screen to hide the REAL issue. I also have a nasty suspicion that once the bedroom has been declared a no-man’s land (specifically meaning the husband is to stay out) the rest of the marriage is on shaky footing at best.

    Nope– I can’t think it was a great idea. If I must sleep alone, let it be as I am this day– a bachelor, not having to deal with any of the rest of it either– being able to sleep peacefully knowing that she isn’t going to divorce me (again) and demand half my stuff, with no-not-any reward for all that I put into it.

    A loveless, sexless marriage? Just say no.

    • I’ve started worrying, for it seems kinda depressing for me (or “to me”?) (or is it “depressed”?), dear Michael!
      I dare hope you’re just being ‘back-thinking’… It’s your life, I hope you’re o’k.🙂

      • Don’t worry overmuch. Every now and then this stuff comes up, but– I have a very effective support group these days, so– I’m not dealing with this alone.

        It’s been 5 years, the divorce became final in November of 2009. Of course, then I had to go through bankruptcy– another piece of “fun”, that. But, that too is over and done so I can re-build.

        Now, for someone who is in a bad way I think Matt’s blog is tough to beat. He divorced a little over a year ago, has a 5-year-old son which he gets to see every other week I think, and he’s been beating up on himself pretty bad. Right now he’s a textbook example of why mgtow is probably right. I have the link in one of the earlier posts here– look for “Must be this tall to ride” which is the title of his blog.

        I just got back from another trip moments ago, they’ve been keeping me busy and that’s not too bad. I drive for a good outfit, I actually look forward to another run coming in. Imagine that. Been reading too, one book I picked up recently deals with overcoming garbage in your life. It was written by a guy who actually lives what he preaches, so it’s not just a line of hogswollop.

        So– this thread IS something of a downer I realize, but don’t worry too much. I’m OK, and with the real-life friends I have helping me along I reckon I’ll stay doing OK for a while.

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